


Components of the Season

by Jyou_no_Sonoko



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Christianity, Christmas contemplations, Dialogue, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Religion, Religious Rituals, Rituals, marith, year end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28052904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jyou_no_Sonoko/pseuds/Jyou_no_Sonoko
Summary: Written for the WLW Winter 2020 challenge on tumblr, under the prompt "Rituals".This is a follow-up to conversations had in"Co-exist, these things cannot", where Mary attempts to further distance herself from Christianity by keeping the Christmas season at arm's length, for Lilith's sake as well as her own. Lilith at this point is just past the midpoint of her lamented pregnancy ("It's Been Too Long"), and Mary is very aware of the emotional strain that is putting on her.
Relationships: Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith & Original Mary Wardwell, Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith/Original Mary Wardwell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14
Collections: wlw Winter 2020





	Components of the Season

Lilith: Mary, what are you doing? 

Mary: Oh, nothing, just give me a minute, I'll be right out. 

Lilith: What are you squirrelling away under there? 

Mary: I said I'd be right out. 

Lilith: … 

Mary: It's nothing, really! I found the liniment you wanted, would you like me to--

Lilith: You're hiding something from me. 

Mary: I'm-- no, not really. 

Lilith: And now a vague untruth? How unlike you. 

Mary: Lilith, please, it's nothing, I'm just trying to keep the bedroom tidy and students keep giving me things.

Lilith: Things? 

Mary: Yes. 

Lilith: Projects? 

Mary: No. 

Lilith: Then?

Mary: ...

Mary: Gifts. 

Lilith: That's new. 

Mary: No, it's normal this time of year. It's tradition. 

Lilith: And why are you hiding them away, instead of doting over them, like those dolls of yours? 

Mary: It's different. They're… 

Lilith: Show me. 

Mary: They're just trinkets, Lilith, I'll look through them with you later. 

Lilith: I sense another untruth. And I'm afraid that's your limit. 

Mary: Lilith, don’t--

Lilith: Well. Colourful, aren't they? 

Mary: … 

Lilith: I'm partial to all this red and gold. 

Mary: I know. Those colours have… I've been associating them more with you these days. 

Lilith: More than what? 

Mary: Oh, no I mean, just--

Lilith: You mean more than your Christian festivities, don't you? 

Mary: … 

Mary: So you know. 

Lilith: Of course I know. 

Mary: Oh. Yes, of course you would.

Lilith: And you're trying to sweep it all under the carpet. 

Mary: It just, I'm sorry, it didn't seem right. I didn't want to make a big deal of it when you’re already struggling. I didn't want to make these next few months harder for you than they need to be. 

Lilith: By engaging with the trappings of the season? You must think me very petty. 

Mary: No, I don't, not at all. 

Lilith: But you'll hide gifts from me? Mary, they're not symbols of worship, they're just human custom. Even if I've seldom been a part of such things, I could hardly fault you for it. 

Mary: Maybe not for just gifts, but if I let myself indulge in these, then… 

Lilith: You're afraid you'll get carried away? Into religious fervor? 

Mary: It's… 

Lilith: … 

Mary: It's been hard. Giving it all up.

Lilith: I know. You said it would be. 

Mary: And you've been very patient with my slip-ups--

Lilith: Not at all. 

Mary: --but this time of year, it’s… it  _ used _ to be really important to me. And I have to… I can't let myself do it. Not to either of us. 

Lilith: ... 

Mary: … 

Lilith: What is it that you're holding back? 

Mary: Lilith, please. Let's just leave it. It's fine, I'll be fine. 

Lilith: Or you'll be quietly miserable. 

Mary: I won't. Really. We'll spend time together over the holiday season and just enjoy the winter, for its own sake. 

Lilith: A lovely sentiment, and I would tend to agree.

Mary: …

Lilith: And I appreciate the care you're attempting to take of my feelings around the matter and my…  _ other  _ issue. 

Mary: Just let me get you the--

Lilith: But you're growing an emptiness for my sake, and in time you might resent me for it. 

Mary: No. I could never. 

Lilith: Mary. 

Mary: Yes? 

Lilith: I worry that you could. 

Mary: Oh. 

Lilith: Am I really mistaken? 

Mary: I don't… I don't want to be that person. Lilith, really, you're much more important to me than some silly traditions. This too shall pass. I'll be fine. 

Lilith: … 

Mary: … 

Lilith: What else are you pushing aside, out of concern for my wellbeing? 

Mary: … 

Lilith: You're afraid. Aren't you? 

Mary: Afraid of what? 

Lilith: The loneliness. 

Mary: What are you talking about? You're here with me. 

Lilith: I am and I will be. But did you not perhaps have personal rituals of the season? Is it not the traditional period in which families spend time together? 

Mary: I don't have any family. You know that. I'm the last one. 

Lilith: The last of your blood, perhaps. 

Mary: Lilith, please leave it. I don't want to--

Lilith: Is it possible that--

Mary: Lilith, no! I don't want to talk about that. All right? Not now, I can't. It's too much right now. 

Lilith: I'm sorry. 

Mary: I just… 

Lilith: All right. 

Mary: It's… I only… 

Lilith: … 

Mary: Anyway. There are some children who come around, usually; their parents drive them here specially, for carolling. But I've asked them not to this year. I didn't want you to have to hear children singing songs of worship. 

Lilith: I appreciate that. I don't know for certain that it would have left me unaffected. 

Mary: So I'll make sure everything is as normal as ever. 

Lilith: But it won't be. 

Mary: … 

Lilith: Not if you're unhappy. 

Mary: I'll be fine. I've said I'll be fine. 

Lilith: You and I both say a lot of things. 

Mary: We do. And we mean them. 

Lilith: But. What if you did not in fact need to stamp out every bit of joy the season brings you? 

Mary: It's… 

Lilith: I know how mortals decorate their homes in this part of the world. Putting aside my perspective on the matter, I know what accouterments come with the season. And many of them are far older than modern Christianity. 

Mary: Oh. Yes, I know that, only…

Lilith: Why would I object to a tree and some colourful lights? Really, Mary, it's as if you think me dour. 

Mary: I don’t! But if I do those things, it's just, it only puts me in the wrong frame of mind. It makes me… it makes me want more. It makes me foolish. 

Lilith: Mary. 

Mary: … 

Lilith: Come. 

Mary: … 

Lilith: Come here.

Mary: … 

Lilith: The god who was false to me does not control how you might express your joy. Even that which is learnt at his knee becomes yours once it truly enters your heart. 

Mary: What about… ‘Death of the Author’. Though? 

Lilith: I don't follow. 

Mary: It’s literary theory. Basically the question is, can one ever really separate a piece of literature from its creator? It specifically comes into play when we, as modern readers, learn that highly-lauded authors were actually terrible people, who held damaging, prejudiced beliefs, or put their earnings towards immoral enterprise.

Lilith: I see. And what do you believe?

Mary: I don’t like having to say goodbye, to the things that made me happy. To stories that meant something to me. But I also can’t ignore it, when those stories came from someone cruel, even if that cruelty doesn’t seem to show up in their work. Even if they kept it hidden. By enjoying that work, am I not condoning their behaviour?

Lilith: But if you didn’t know, it would be all right?

Mary: …

Lilith: Then in this case, ignorance would truly be bliss.

Mary: …

Lilith: And, more to the point, if you had never met  _ me _ \--

Mary: Lilith, no.

Lilith: --then you would have had no need to contemplate ‘saying goodbye’. Because the author of so much of your personal world would have remained mysterious. And you could have made the assumption of benevolence. Or at least given that author the benefit of the doubt.

Mary: It’s hard to ignore the evidence. Even more so when it relates to the lived experience of people we care about.

Lilith: And very few people could have convincing evidence in this scenario.

Mary: Yes.

Lilith: Of those still living.

Mary: But I wouldn’t want to be ignorant.

Lilith: Are you sure?

Mary: I’ve never favoured it. If I don’t know everything, how can I make an informed and fair decision?

Lilith: And this year, your informed decision has been to render your year-end celebration cold and empty? 

Mary:...

Mary: What would you have me do, Lilith? 

Lilith: I can’t decide that for you. No more than I already have.

Mary: Do you have any rituals?

Lilith: For the winter?

Mary: Yes. And… did your covens?

Lilith: They did. And their customs were not all that dissimilar to yours.

Mary: Were they yours?

Lilith: …

Mary: Didn’t their celebrations involve you?

Lilith: Of course they did. But still, they never really could.

Mary: Because they worshipped you.

Lilith: Among other things. And because of…

Mary:  Him .

Lilith: Yes. I was never... permitted. Not on the surface. Everything I’ve ever done, that has held much meaning for me, has been in the shadows. For me alone. They were small things, but they were mine.

Mary: Tell me about them?

Lilith: I don’t know that I can.

Mary: Why?

Lilith: I don’t know that my tongue will allow it.

Mary: …

Lilith: …

Mary: But--

Lilith: Have your decorations, Mary. Please. Make your home beautiful. I want to see how you’ll do it.

Mary: Are you sure?

Lilith: I’d… very much enjoy having something to celebrate. And there is absolutely no need to tie it to the Nazarene, there never was.

Mary: So we’ll celebrate… what?

Lilith: …

Lilith: The Winter. The warmth which can be created therein. The… the precious things. Those things that survive.

Mary: All right.

Lilith: Drape it in red and gold, Mary.

Mary: All right. All right, I will.

Lilith: Please. I want to see it sparkle.


End file.
